[Veronica Dreadful]

When's the last time you had an existential crisis, you know, a time where you questioned the meaning of your existence in life?

I am undergoing one at the moment. I am still trying to figure out my life's purpose. I have a career in mind, and it's a good one, but what could I do to help the universe in some way? Where exactly do I fit in the universe?

I mean there are the usual things like work and family, but what can I do to create meaning in my life, and make an impact on the world?

These are some questions that have been swirling in my head. So tell me about yourself.

[Incubation Station]

Madness.

[Tango]

I think its kind of odd that someone who can be so mean to people sits around and wonders how they contribute something positive to the universe. That said, I also don't know if you really are that mean in real life or if its just part of your IMB persona.

I have often thought about why I am here. I am sure we have all heard the saying about how everyone lives and dies for a reason. I think that this is true, but most people will die never knowing what the meaning of their life was. For some, like Mother Teresa, it was clear. There is a person who had a clear purpose in life, and impacted the lives of many people.

For others it may be less clear. Like when you hear stories about how a random act of kindness had a huge impact on the life of a single person. I am not sure I will ever find out why I am here. So when I question myself and my lifes existance i remember the quote "be the change you want to see in the world". Was it Ghandi? Do kind things for people and always treat people the way you would want to be treated, becuase you never know......

and being kind is more than just tipping your servants. OK? :)

[Not Thurston Moore Maybe]

I think I questioned existence quite literally. When I was 6 I became increasingly disallusioned with my faith, the origins of existence, and existing all together. Like the people around me weren't real but were just part of some messed up dream state that I could never escape. Actually I'm not sure that's the same thing you're talking about.

I went through a brief phase after I graduated high school when I moved out of Tampa away from my friends and everything that was familiar to me. I dropped out of USF, became increasingly withdrawn, and went through about 2 months of constant anxiety coinciding with OCD. All I could think was "fuck, now what?". So now I'm back in school, anxiety has subsided (though with minor fits of mental compulsions) I'm working at a crappy part time job cashiering at a retail scumsucking corporation, I'm not so withdrawn, and I'm back to playing music and being a smartass (albeit charming). I'm not gonna go too crazy trying to "figure out who I am" because I think that could just set myself up for disaster (what if I joined a metal band or something?). I'll just play it by ear.

[Nicol Mtz.]

I feel like the life I'm living now isnt real.

[Not Thurston Moore Maybe]

I hated the "you're lost" speech. It isn't genuine and it's a very general thing to say to a teenager. And the people saying it were almost always projecting their own problems onto you or just simply touting their current situation.

[iamlyme]

oh, god. i've thought of this everyday of my life but it has become a bigger issue lately. ntmm, i am in the same situation as you. i actually just dropped out of usf and i am cashering at a crappy retail job (no joke. and i just moved back home, 900 miles from florida). i'm trying not to be so withdrawn but it's hard. and i totally agree about "finding yourself" because my friend always says that you can't run away to "find" yourself because wherever you go, there you'll be. so discovering who you are can be done anywhere, you just have to be honest with yourself. my whole life i thought that by this age i would be making music right now but look at where i am. i moved back in with my parents. i'm supposed to start school again in jan. i just broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. (well, it's still in the process.) i'm definitly having a quarter life crisis. i don't even know who i am anymore. i've been phony for so long. i definitly want to know what any of this is going to lead to. right now i just feel like a waste of space. i want to change, i just don't know how. i think everyone wants to know that they made an impact somehow. i don't want to die thinking my whole life was just a painful experience and then i died. i'm still trying to figure everything out. i'm just trying to be honest now.

[Not Thurston Moore Maybe]

Well you left Tampa so there's a start. That place is a dead end city.

[The Old Man]

Veronica Dreadful, on Nov 19 2007, 08:08 PM, said:

I am undergoing one at the moment. I am still trying to figure out my life's purpose. I have a career in mind, and it's a good one, but what could I do to help the universe in some way? Where exactly do I fit in the universe?

You starred in four Saw movies, what more is there left to achieve?

[TSD]

Not Thurston Moore Maybe, on Nov 19 2007, 08:41 PM, said:

I went through a brief phase after I graduated high school when I moved out of Tampa away from my friends and everything that was familiar to me. I dropped out of USF, became increasingly withdrawn, and went through about 2 months of constant anxiety coinciding with OCD. All I could think was "fuck, now what?". So now I'm back in school, anxiety has subsided (though with minor fits of mental compulsions) I'm working at a crappy part time job cashiering at a retail scumsucking corporation, I'm not so withdrawn, and I'm back to playing music and being a smartass (albeit charming). I'm not gonna go too crazy trying to "figure out who I am" because I think that could just set myself up for disaster (what if I joined a metal band or something?). I'll just play it by ear.

I had a less severe case of the same sort of withdrawal since I finished school. I don't know if it's me becoming older or just introverted, but I am spending a lot less time with my good friends than I used to, and because I moved house recently, a lot more time alone.

I've been told by people that I've done a good job of getting my shit together, and seem to be setting myself up well for the future by doing well in university etc., but I'm not sure. My 'existential crisis' is that I'm never sure about things until that something is no longer relevant. I just pore over things that others seem to take for granted and I feel that I have missed out on a lot of good things as a result of that. I'm always too caught up in something trivial or irrelevant to figure out where I'm actually heading with my life. (Not to mention a lack of self-confidence when I need it.) Everything I've done so far has been achieved via a combination of chance, last minute decisions and a modicum of work. I graduate from university in just over two years (provided I am able to ride it out) and after that, I have absolutely no idea what is in store for me. I suppose playing things by ear has worked out for me so far (despite the gross uncertainty) so I will probably stick by it.

[Onuphrius]

i went throught one when I was 19. It was the time when I felt I had completely succeeded, but also when I realized that all that was just bullshit. I finished brilliantly high school and was going to a prestigious college but I felt completely void. These weren't my choices, I had simply let my mother decide for me, as always, and basically I ended up fucking my second year, and I went through a serious nervous breakdown, and had to quit my prestigious school because of it.
I'm still in this "existential crisis". I've choosen what I wanted to do, but i still don't know what I will make of it, and I'm not sure I'd like to spend so much time in college. Sometimes I just feel the urge to leave and find out who the fuck I am. I crave for something more, something real. I don't live in the real world.

[tercat]

I don't think the meaning of existence, if there is one either for all people or for individuals, is truly knowable. I accept that and try to live the best life I can.

[Not Thurston Moore Maybe]

That's a good place to be - where you can live with the uncertainty and be fine.

[ZY7]

My one and only existential crisis (I am taking it that existential means here a crisis relating to my existence, as in, why I was put here by God and things relating to the spirtual side of man.) when I was in high school. It was of such a dramatic nature that I ended up in a psychartic hospital, more than once, stemming from complications from it. Basically, I have always had a bit of a rebellious "rock n' roll" side to me, but a heavily spiritual side to me also and would always find myself comptemplating matters of spirituality and morality from an early age.

But early on in high school I started getting involved pretty heavily with drugs and the wrong people which eventually led to me having a break down because not only was my lifestyle and the drugs taking me down the wrong path, but also because it elevated my conscience and spirituality which was already heightened just by my nature and those things combined with some other things thrown in was just to much and caused so much conflict within myself that I ended up having a nervous breakdown of sorts or I guess a less polictally correct term would be, temporary insanity, haha.

I know, kind of weird for a 15 or 16 year old to have a nervous breakdown. But it was probably the best thing that could of happened to me considering the circumstances. All the help and guidance I recieved during that period helped me get my head back on straight and become a more focused human being along with making me zero in more on whom I believe and what I believe spiritually. Which, to this day, has been one of the most important factors in my life since then and I am sure will continue to be until my time on this Earth is up.

[The Old Man]

ZY7, on Nov 19 2007, 11:42 PM, said:

My one and only existential crisis (I am taking it that existential means here a crisis relating to my existence, as in, why I was put here by God and things relating to the spirtual side of man.) when I was in high school. It was of such a dramatic nature that I ended up in a psychartic hospital, more than once, stemming from complications from it. Basically, I have always had a bit of a rebellious "rock n' roll" side to me, but a heavily spiritual side to me also and would always find myself comptemplating matters of spirituality and morality from an early age.

But early on in high school I started getting involved pretty heavily with drugs and the wrong people which eventually led to me having a break down because not only was my lifestyle and the drugs taking me down the wrong path, but also because it elevated my conscience and spirituality which was already heightened just by my nature and those things combined with some other things thrown in was just to much and caused so much conflict within myself that I ended up having a nervous breakdown of sorts or I guess a less polictally correct term would be, temporary insanity, haha.

I know, kind of weird for a 15 or 16 year old to have a nervous breakdown. But it was probably the best thing that could of happened to me considering the circumstances. All the help and guidance I recieved during that period helped me get my head back on straight and become a more focused human being along with making me zero in more on whom I believe and what I believe spirituality. Which, to this day, has been one of the most important factors in my life since then and I am sure will continue to be until my time on this Earth is up.

Bono... is that... you?

[TSD]

The Old Man, on Nov 19 2007, 11:43 PM, said:

Bono... is that... you?

Thank you for that.

[Veronica Dreadful]

tralac, on Nov 19 2007, 06:09 PM, said:

You got to find yourself some good old time religion, VD. :P

I grew up religious and I'm definitely a religious person, in the sense that I believe in what the Bible says. But I don't believe in the institution of religion, no.

ZY7, on Nov 19 2007, 08:42 PM, said:

I know, kind of weird for a 15 or 16 year old to have a nervous breakdown. But it was probably the best thing that could of happened to me considering the circumstances. All the help and guidance I recieved during that period helped me get my head back on straight and become a more focused human being along with making me zero in more on whom I believe and what I believe spirituality. Which, to this day, has been one of the most important factors in my life since then and I am sure will continue to be until my time on this Earth is up.

Having a nervous breakdown is nothing to be ashamed of. I've been there and under so-called "idyllic" circumstances.

Onuphrius, on Nov 19 2007, 07:57 PM, said:

i went throught one when I was 19. It was the time when I felt I had completely succeeded, but also when I realized that all that was just bullshit. I finished brilliantly high school and was going to a prestigious college but I felt completely void. These weren't my choices, I had simply let my mother decide for me, as always, and basically I ended up fucking my second year, and I went through a serious nervous breakdown, and had to quit my prestigious school because of it.

OMG IT'S LIEK WE HAVE THE SAME LIFE! :lol:

Same thing--breakdown second year, had to leave, went on sabbatical, returned to college.

Tango, on Nov 19 2007, 05:41 PM, said:

I think its kind of odd that someone who can be so mean to people sits around and wonders how they contribute something positive to the universe. That said, I also don't know if you really are that mean in real life or if its just part of your IMB persona.

-_-

Not Thurston Moore Maybe, on Nov 19 2007, 05:41 PM, said:

I think I questioned existence quite literally. When I was 6 I became increasingly disallusioned with my faith, the origins of existence, and existing all together. Like the people around me weren't real but were just part of some messed up dream state that I could never escape. Actually I'm not sure that's the same thing you're talking about.

I went through a brief phase after I graduated high school when I moved out of Tampa away from my friends and everything that was familiar to me. I dropped out of USF, became increasingly withdrawn, and went through about 2 months of constant anxiety coinciding with OCD. All I could think was "fuck, now what?". So now I'm back in school, anxiety has subsided (though with minor fits of mental compulsions) I'm working at a crappy part time job cashiering at a retail scumsucking corporation, I'm not so withdrawn, and I'm back to playing music and being a smartass (albeit charming). I'm not gonna go too crazy trying to "figure out who I am" because I think that could just set myself up for disaster (what if I joined a metal band or something?). I'll just play it by ear.

Same thing. Left high school and flipped out. It's rough when you're entire world has been structured, you know, and you can expect to go back to school or something similar, and to have all of that familiarity taken away. It can leave someone in a tailspin.

[Mysterious Traveller]

TSD, on Nov 19 2007, 04:49 PM, said:

Thank you for that.

You're welcome.

[hazey jane]

Once in my life I stopped and thought "is this the real life? is this just fantasy?".
Seriously.

In 2004 I had an existential crisis. I wasn't so sure about my future and this scared me.
But everything's allright now, I know what I wanna be and what I wanna do.
It's just a matter of time for your existencial crisis to be gone.

[Onuphrius]

Veronica Dreadful, on Nov 20 2007, 12:57 AM, said:

OMG IT'S LIEK WE HAVE THE SAME LIFE! :lol:

Same thing--breakdown second year, had to leave, went on sabbatical, returned to college.
-_-

jeeze, are we twins separated at birth? :P
Our trajectory is the same, but all that has been said here kinda echo my situation.

idob, on Nov 20 2007, 06:18 AM, said:

Having perspective and a little direction seems to help, or so people say. I wouldn't know because the last time I felt 'alive' (or a participant in my own life) was when I was a child. I have a terrible memory, but I can remember that feeling of waking up and wanting to actually wake up to see what the day would bring. Childhood ended, and with it, so did the feeling of being harmonious with the life I was leading. Existential questions leading to a crisis began early when I realized (or so thought I realized) that I had little or no choices in my life. The feeling that I existed because there was so much to experience was replaced by the thought that I was alive for no apparent reason. Depression, it just seems to cloud over everything and make everything so bland, so unappealing, so very meaningless. It's like being an outside observer to your own life, watching the time pass but not actually being connected to the events taking place. I suppose we all have thoughts of who we are and what we are to do, but most aren't crippled by these questions, they make choices which help alleviate those nagging feelings of uncertainty. I look at my son and am amazed at his interest, his enthusiasm, his energy and passion-these are the answers, this unconscious feeling that anything is possible. He doesn't know who he is, he wouldn't even understand that question if it were posed to him, yet he seems less lost in his existence than me. This may be a simplistic view, but in my opinion without that childlike spirit guiding your life, things just seem way more complicated than they are. Many breakdowns have led to the idea that maybe I need to stop asking so many questions because the answers just don't exist. I exist though and that should be enough (I wish it were).

I agree totally with it and I think you put the finger on the very cause of every existential crisis. It may express itself through totally different experiences but basically that's it. I think everyone knows that there is no answer at the question of our existence (well except for religious people), but still, you can't help searching for a transcendental purpose that would justify your life, but you just face the absurd. But obviously you don't find it, and discover too soon that this life is totally yours, which I think it's the heaviest responsability one could ever have. It should be easy to give a meaning to our own life but that means also taking up duty of all the successes and failures, which is quite rough.

[sculpted_arse]

"You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life. "

Albert Camus

if you think about it, its actually true! i used to analyze everything little thing and sometimes still do but it would drive me and others around me crazy. its pretty extreme to say but if i kept it up i would have probably ended up as somekind of recluse. i just had to stop thinking about everything and why i was here, theres no fucking point to any of it. yeah everything feels like a dream sometimes particularly when i was a kid and im sure everyone says this, but it doesnt mean anything. its so simple and i feel stupid saying it but life is life and just live it. it doesnt mean that you stop thinking, but sometimes you just have to step back because its the sort of thing that could keep you back!

[paulbankschic]

I had an existential crisis a year ago when I applied to college. I seriously began to question everything I had done and belived in until that point. (what do I want to do with my life?!) It took me awhile before I was able to find some clarity, in fact, Im still not done working through it now. :o



now that I think about it...all of high school was one big existential crisis. :ph34r:

[thesonandtheheir]

The knowledge that I will die and cease to exist forever (probably) is an amusing shadow cast over all my doings and interactions.

[your_wallflower]

Mine happened in my second year of high school.
That was probably my worst low because it centered around two main thoughts; one, I had no idea who i was, when people asked my what are your hobbies, favourite music stuff like that i was like I dunno, I mean I obviously I was interested in some stuff but I was so unsure of how and what to identify my self with and if it really had any meaning to me. Two, I was stuck in the mind loop where you're just thinking we eat, shit, and die and everything else in between is just arbitrary, insignificant white noise. This last thought was coupled with this re-occuring idea how not everyone has at least a somewhat fufilling life, there are people who get screwed and account for nothing with no value to anyone, despite how much we like to think everybody has somebody. This is strange to communicate because I never explained this to anybody...

Well while I couldn't stop thinking and my mind was increasingly getting done in, I didn't really let anyone know about it. I had pretty normal behaviour around people, except at home where i just spent a lot of time alone in my room. I wasn't like balling in there or hating the world, I was just really confused. I dunno, seems like a long time ago but I got myself straightened out I like to think.